Friday, September 5, 2014

The Palm Springs Guru remembers Joan Rivers.

The Palm Springs Guru remembers Joan Rivers.
Joan Rivers was a wonderful supporter of all things Palm Springs.

Talk with anyone in Palm Springs and the greater Palm Springs area and each person will have an opinion regarding Joan Rivers.

Love her or hate her, Joan Rivers is an American icon. Here are 25 Joan Rivers quotes for your consideration:

1.   “I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later, you have to start all over again.

2.   “A man can sleep around, no questions asked. But if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes, she's a tramp.”

3.   “A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.”

4.   “When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.”

5.   “Looking fifty is great - if you're sixty.”

6.   “If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.

7.   “She's so pure; Moses couldn't even part her knees.

8.   “I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.”

9.   “I hate thin people; 'Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?”

10. “You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.”

11.  “My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it is missing, and what's there stinks.”

12. “I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.”

13. “No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.”

14. “My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

15. “If God wanted me to bend over, he'd have put diamonds on the floor.”

16. “People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

17. “Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.”

18. “I have no sex appeal; if my husband didn't toss and turn, we'd never have had the kid.”

19. “The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.”

20. “Before we make love my husband takes a painkiller.”

21. “My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, 'Pick up, I know you're there”

22. “I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”

23. “I was born in 1962... and the room next to me was 1963.”

24. “I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.”

25. “Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.”

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